The Climbing Tree
by DrarryAllTheWay
Summary: Hope you like it:D Dan finally works up the courage to tell Phil how he really feels, but when Phil doesnt answer how will Dan React? Sorry, i suck at summarys but hopefully im better at writing. enjoyXD


It had been five weeks. Five bloody weeks! After all these years of not wanting to risk our friendship, I finally decide to tell Phil I love him and what happens? He excuses himself for the bathroom and doesn't return. Stupid, that's what I am how could someone as amazing, adorable and kind love me? He tried to mention it, but I was to scared of what he might say. I changed the topic quickly or left the room for a while. The unusual awkwardness between us was all my fault. I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. I hated, still hate myself for it. I never liked self harm nor did it do anything for me but the pain was two things. The first; a fitting punishment for my big gob, the second a distraction. The pain from a disposable razor felt like the pain of rejection only I could see it, only I could feel it and know its presence despite countless fake smiles and laughter. Even though me and Phil now talk as little as possible, I never leave without telling him where and how long. I want to see if he notices when I don't return later this morning. I've been up since seven, had a quick bowl of Phil's favorite cereal, 'LION' and dashed into my shower when I heard his awakening.

The hot water plummets down on my hunched body, a shaky hand holding the blood drenched razor as I guide it over to my arm. Tears sting my eyes like cold metal stings my skin, reopening several cuts as it presses deeper in. A small yelp escapes my trembling lips. My arm steadies and it drags through my skin from wrist to elbow. My last cut, I think, should be the longest. I clench both of my scarred arms in to my thin body and the blood continues to flow, staining my body. The tears stop, I grab the nearest towel unfortunately it's white so as I dry off they become red. I pick out my favorite black skinny jeans and slip them on top of the blue sonic-the-hedgehog boxers I'm wearing. Laser cats or a robot saying 'I love you'? I think but opt for my black t-shirt with a white circle. The one I was wearing when I told Phil cardigan, old and scruffy converse, black jacket with a large rope hidden in the inside pocket. My phone and keys in my jean pocket to avoid suspicion.

A deep breath later and I step into the kitchen. Phil doesn't look like he slept well, his hair messier than I've seen it in a while, the bags under his eyes more prominent with those black square glasses he hates so much, a slice of toast in one hand as he scrolls down his tumblr dashboard. I'll miss him. He notices me and gives a weak smile, I return a stronger one. "I'm going for a wonder, an hour tops okay?" I say quietly, the lump in my throat cracks every word, tears seconds away from flooding my brown eyes. "Okay, see you then" he replies looking up, back down, back up "are you okay? Dan, what's wrong you look like your about to cry"the look of concern on Phil's face is too much and I let a silent tear sliver down my cheek. I walk round the table, Phil stands up and holds my arm 'ouch' I think, his hard grip is right on my cuts. It's like he's causing all the pain I have. "Dan, Lis-" but i cut him off with a hug, squishing him in myself and to my great surprise he hugs back " i love you Philip Lester" I whisper almost so silently even he can barley hear me centimeters away from his left ear. I pull back, holding his arms "I have to go" I manage to say between sniffs "goodbye" I run out the kitchen and just before I leave the flat I dash into my room pick up four white envelops. I place one at the front of Phil's half open bedroom door. i leave, despite the shouts of my name piercing my ears. The lift contains to many memories so I run down the stairs, two at a time. I need out. I post the remaining three letters in the red postbox outside the flats. One to mum, one to dad and one to my younger I'm alone I don't have to hide or stop tears so they flow down my face. At the corner of my road I look back, but only for a moment. In what I know is our flat I notice someone-Phil looking back at me, a white bit of paper in his hand. He vanishes. I cry harder, this time running along the few streets to the forest we'd often walk through.

My safe heaven. My eyes start to dry, while I remember all those hours spent here, the laughs, smiles, secret's shared and memories made here. I stop in my tracks when I see it. The big oak tree we were forever climbing. See who can get the highest, Phil hates heights so I nearly always won that didn't stop me smiling as I remembered. The branches started low, and I started to climb to the top. the top few branches were the only ones we hadn't made it too but I would today. I looked down, further than I thought. I gulped, sweat running down my face, blood pumping through my veins, my head trying to convince me not to. I ignored it all I made it to the top and surprisingly the branches were still strong. I took the rope out and tied it to the tip of the tree. My phone vibrated in my pocket, 5 missed calls and text. All from Phil. I ignored the calls but read the text. 'Dan, don't you dare. I found the razor, the bloody towels the lot. You can't do this to yourself Dan, I know the past few weeks have sucked. But I needed to think. I've thought. I hadn't thought about us that way when you first mentioned it, but five seconds into your speaking I began to. The past three weeks its all I've done, think about it. About us. I tried to talk to you, you left I thought you hated me. I have scars too Dan. I'm begging you though, please come back. I need my little llama. I guess the only thing let to say is I love you Daniel Howell. I love you to the moon, no too the end of the galaxy and back, I need you" and with that the text ended. He loved me back. Phil loved be back. i should get down, talk things out with Phil, get everything I've ever wanted but part of me still wanted to jump and not look back. what if things didn't work out? if we're happy for a month then all fails. Is it worth taking a chance? maybe he's only saying that to get me down. i'll climb again, i have to know. i have to get down I thought, slackening my rope choker style necklace A text to Phil first. "I'm coming to you. I love you" I type with shaking hands. I lodged my phone in my pocket, my foot slipped slightly. I caught my balance. Just. I loosened the rope further, my eyes blurring with tears, happier ones but mostly still hurt, pain and a little anger. I wish he confessed sooner. Mind you, I took my time too. only He wasn't desperate for an answer while waiting. And for the first time in weeks, I smiled my real smile, grinning out to all the birds in the treetops. "I love Philip Lester" I proclaimed to them "and he loves me". My foot slipped again, just as I began raising the rope over my head. I didn't get my balance. The rope didn't make it off my neck. My smile vanished within milliseconds as an image of an unknowing Phil sprung to mind, waiting for me at the flat, making two cups of tea with shaky hands but smiling. "PHIL-" I cried out as the rope gave all it had to give, I felt a jolt of pain.

Then nothing.


End file.
